“My Toddler Doesn’t Want to Sit and Play with Toys”
As parents, we are constantly questioning ourselves and wanting to do what is best for our children. I’ve heard so many parents asking questions like “Why does my toddler seem to quickly lose interest in toys?” Or statements like “My toddler doesn’t want to sit and play with toys.” “What toys should I buy my toddler because they don’t seem to like any of the ones they have?”
I’m here to tell you that this is completely normal and you are not alone!! So take a deep breath and keep reading for the top three reasons why your toddler may seem disinterested in their current toys and some tips for play during this time.
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1. Toddlers are very focused on gross motor skills.
The number one reason why toddlers may appear too busy to sit and play is because they are! They are still so heavily focused on gross motor skills. Children in toddlerhood (12-24 months) are super interested in gross motor activities and improving gross motor skills. They are constantly interested in pushing the limits and seeing what all their little bodies can do. They are learning about their own balance, speed, climbing ability, strength, whole body coordination, etc.
It’s actually beneficial!
This is also beneficial as they continue to create a “body map” for their brain. They are learning how their arms and legs can work together. Where their body and limbs end. What they can or can’t fit under or inside. How hard to push or hit or exert force on ALL the things. Toddlers are literally creating a map of what their body looks like and how it works.
Its also important to realize the ways that gross motor skills can benefit and lay the foundation for those more refined fine motor skills. Children need core strength and what we call “proximal stability” (think along the lines of stronger shoulders) in order to then work on those fine motor skills. So give them time to build gross motor skills in order to be more proficient with fine motor skills when the time comes.
My experience as a pediatric occupational therapist…
As a pediatric occupational therapist, this is always a tough age frame to focus on improving deficits in fine motor or visual motor skills. My therapy sessions definitely take on a different “look” during the 12-24 month age range. I have to be extra creative on ways to incorporate fine motor and visual motor skills with a heavy emphasis on gross motor skills.
Sometimes my sessions include activities such as very simple obstacle courses involving transportation of puzzle pieces from one place to another in order to insert pieces into the puzzle board. Examples of obstacles you could include at home might be climbing over a pile of pillows or couch cushions, crawling through a tunnel or under a sheet draped over 2 chairs. Just one or two gross motor activities in one obstacle course is plenty for this age! Another big hit is simply pushing a laundry basket, container or dump truck filled with chunky lacing beads and stopping along the way to place a bead on the string.
Think outside of the box and work with their gross motor drive. And sometimes they simply need time to climb, push, pull, crawl, jump, etc with no other purpose in mind. And THAT’S OKAY! Its perfectly normal and beneficial to their development.
2. Might be exploring toys in a different way
Your toddler might be exploring toys in a way that appears to you as the adult as “incorrectly playing”. It is easy to think your child isn’t interested in their toys because they are just carrying them from one location to the other or they aren’t playing with them in the way you think they should be played with. Children see things differently than adults do and if they are interacting with their toys in some capacity, then they are exploring and learning whether you realize it or not.
Its different for them…
Keep in mind that you are familiar with the toy because you have years of experiences and references regarding various toys and objects. You automatically know what the toy represents, how to play with it, the function of the object, the color, the feel, the weight, how to hold it, its size in comparison to other objects, and so on. But to your toddler, this is all yet to be established. He or she is just beginning to register these experiences and references. So give them time to do just that and explore the toys in their own capacity.
Its all about the process…
Also keep in mind that toddlers are all about the process, not the end result. They are far more interested in all the little nuances along the way. However, we as adults are focused on the end result. Have you observed your toddler with an activity such as a puzzle?
They want to examine and explore each piece (turning it over, tasting it, banging it) then maybe search for where it belongs in the puzzle board and move on to the next piece. They don’t care how many are left or how many have been put in. And they may pull some back out of the board before choosing a new piece. But the whole time you are thinking about completing the task and how many pieces are left. Am I right?!
Its completely normal, that’s just the difference in toddler brains and adult brains. But it is helpful to take a step back and think of how your toddler may be processing this activity differently than you.
3. Short attention spans
Toddlers have short attention spans. They just do. Don’t have too high expectations for your toddler to sit and pay attention to a structured activity.
Sometimes they might become very interested in a new activity and sit for a longer time period (5-10 minutes). And the next time they play with that same activity, they only stay engaged for 1-2 minutes. That’s normal! They just had to spend a little more time figuring out their new toy or activity that first time. But it doesn’t mean they aren’t learning in that 1-2 minutes or that they have lost interest in the activity or toy. They just don’t need to spend as much time investigating it the next time they pick it up.
A Few More Tips for Toddler Play
Follow your child. This is very much a Montessori term, but it’s so true. (It’s also a concept we use as pediatric occupational therapists.) Take some time to watch your child without interrupting. They might end up teaching you something new. Learn to go with the flow and avoid feeling as if your toddler is “supposed” to be acting or playing a certain way. Especially if you are comparing your life to other lives portrayed in social media. Remember those are small snapshots of a highlight reel. People aren’t inclined to post about chaos, meltdowns or “failures” – only “successes” and pretty little put-together moments.
Keep toys at a minimum. Parents often think their children are losing interest in toys, so they buy more and offer more. But this just leads to more chaos and more frustration for both children and parents (who are constantly spending money and picking up the disaster). Children become easily overwhelmed with too many toys and then don’t even have a chance at sitting down to focus and play with a toy.
Instead, try minimizing the amount of toys available and rotate toys to keep things interesting. Keep out only a few at a time (10-12). And if at all possible, display them (on a shelf) instead of throwing them all in a toy box or container. Its much more inviting to see a toy on display versus plundering through a toy box.
Its amazing to see how interested your child will be at reintroducing an “old” toy just because they haven’t seen it in a few weeks!
Invite them to participate with daily chores. Toddlers are soo interested in all the things you do. Everyday tasks that you find mundane and boring, are sometimes the most interesting to toddlers! So instead of shooing them off to play, next time invite them to be a part of the chore. They can be quite the little helpers with things like laundry, dishes, vacuuming, wiping, washing the dog, washing the car, etc. Yes, sometimes it takes more time and patience. But take a second to think about what’s more important in life…your sweet little toddler who wants to be like you or finishing the dishes 3 minutes faster?
I could go on and on in greater detail. But we’ll just leave it at that for now. Let me know if you would like me to elaborate on any of the topics I touched on today! I’d be happy to write a whole separate blog post on any of the above.
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